the big cheese factory

new home

2005-06-26T20:57:00.000+01:00

After a failed attempt to start again anonymously, and a good long break, I have finally found a suitable new home. Introducing ... Eye-Eye Captain and the Great Cheese Mystery. Hope to see ya there.

blogstipated

2005-03-06T09:23:00.000Z

Well, I was gonna call this post 'no cheese no more' but I felt that Richard's word deserved a second outing. Yes, I am blogstipated. And not just this week, but on and off since Christmas. No idea why ... Maybe a thing just needs to run its course and be done. So there you go!

I'm sure I'll stick around in blogosphere ... But don't come looking just yet ... And I'll still be reading you people, don't worry 'bout that!

Finally, if you want to mail me: katenadine@SPAMblueyonder.co.uk. I'm sure you know how to take care of the spam.

Hugs 'n' kisses then, especially to the growing Blog Family [you know who you are]. Xxx

holy moly guacamole

2005-02-28T18:33:00.000Z

Well, after a punishing 10 days of editing an ENORMOUS economics thesis (yes, I was paid, I'm not completely insane) I can return to my real life of student, office bod, internet addict and general waste of space. Can't say that I'm not relieved.

Thanks all for the page 123 submissions ... Amusing ... If it were a competition, and a winner were to be picked ... I'd have to give it to Mr. George Thomas. Go, Argos! And the bf would have to come in a close second.

For want of something better to do, I googled the title of this post and found this site. As soon as I muster up some creative energy I'll be over there ... But for now I'll be content with sleeeeeeeep ...

because stealing is good

2005-02-23T19:16:00.000Z

Damn, I am so busy this week. And I just had to have a thousand pound shower fitted. Well, the shower is probably worth about £300 - but plumbers being plumbers ... Ouch. So, anyway, there go the excuses and here comes the stealing - many thanks to NWJR at The Daily Snark ...

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog* along with these instructions.
[5. Don't you dare dig for that cool/intellectual book you hide away under the bed for occasions such as these ... Yes Richard, I'm lookin' at you! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.]

Here are my results:

"malfeasance. See MALEFICENCE, MALFEASANCE.

Malory, Sir Thomas, for the fifteenth-century author (Le Morte d'Arthur) but George Mallory for the Everest explorer."

And before you say anything: I hang my head in shame - the nearest book to me was Bill Bryson's Troublesome Words. Close by I have a Lynn Truss book and the Oxford English Dictionary. GEEK! In my defence: I am doing some editing work at the moment. Oh, and I wasn't sure if the first sentence is a sentence ... As it contains no verb ... But I was feeling lazy and figured it'd do.

*Or in the comments here, perhaps

scratch 'n' sniff

2005-02-21T20:30:00.000Z

Those crazy people at Munki Munki apparently believe that the way to a man's heart is through his nostrils ... Via your underwear. Yup, welcome to the bizarre world of scratch 'n' sniff undies. My favourite has got to be the one above: 'every girl loves a man who can grill' - and the man who can grill will be lured by her, erm, tangy BBQ scent. Lovely!

sounds like summer

2005-02-19T16:38:00.000Z

Err, what in God's name is the ice cream van doing outside my block of flats right now? Is it not the middle of winter? Is it not a chilly 5 degrees out there? Does anyone really buy ice cream and lollies in the winter?!

Or maybe it's a front for a coke dealer ... We had one of those in the rough part of town when I was growing up. Twenty quid cone with a secret kick to keep ya dancing all night long.

it all adds up (part 1)

2005-02-17T13:48:00.000Z

As regular readers will know, I joined a gym 2 and a half weeks ago. The initial excitement (sauna! steam room! jacuzzi! towel service!) has since worn off and the poor person in me is demanding to know if it's all worth it. So I jumped on the scales this morning and found that, no, not a budge. Two and a half weeks of pain and not even a tease of weight loss. This seems a little unfair, given the amount of exercise I am now doing. In a typical week I:

- cycle 55 kms (at breakneck speeds through 'heavy' London traffic - when is London traffic ever 'light'?);
- do 2 hrs 15 minutes cardio (running, more bloody cycling and eliptical-ing);
- spend around an hour and a half lifting weights and contorting my body with painful effect.

I also haven't eaten chocolate since 31st December 2004.
WHERE IS THE JUSTICE???!

One of the gym instructors asked how my 'goals' were going (the first is lose 4 pounds over the first month). I said not so good - the scale wasn't budging. He said that he finds that scales aren't really that useful - better to see how my waist measurement is improving. I didn't have the heart to tell him that my seemingly expanding waistline was my reason for mounting the scales in the first place ...

current obsessions

2005-02-15T21:49:00.000Z

A rare and momentous internet-free evening

Arghh! The internet! It is taking over my life! Thanks to Marco, top of my current web-flavoured obsessions is Audioscrobbler. Yes, that's scrobbler, not scribbler. It promises to give me a radio station full of things I like (yes, I know they all do, but I am ever the optimist) and it enables me to show off my fabulous music collection to the world (streaming from iTunes). Bliss.

Next up is 43 Things. Absolutely useless in every way. You make a list of 43 things you'd like to accomplish and you can comment on these things. And on other people's things. And play show/tell if you've already done some things. As I said, completely useless. But kinda fun anyway.

Flickr. But you know that already. That's probably thanks to Life of Reilly, or M.C. Glammer.

Finally, the least interesting (in my humble opinion) but arguably also the only one with any kind of practical application: del.icio.us. Tagging system. Yawn. But still good enough to waste entire afternoons on.

So there you go: that's what I do instead of see movies / go to gigs / make friends / work / study.

my funny valentine

2005-02-14T10:07:00.000Z

Found in my parents' local paper, the 'Blackmore Vale Magazine', during my trip home to Dorset last weekend.

In case you can't read it, it says: "Valentines Day 14th Feb - Don't forget your valentine - Treat them to a bag of potatoes - And you will be in love forever xxxx - Potatoes £5 a bag - Marfona"

Happy Valentine's Day y'all!

the joy of stars

2005-02-12T21:12:00.000Z

Found here.

#244321 +(7892)- [X]
:Cthon98: hey, if you type in your pw, it will show as stars
:Cthon98: ********* see!
:AzureDiamond: hunter2
:AzureDiamond: doesnt look like stars to me
:Cthon98: :AzureDiamond: *******
:Cthon98: thats what I see
:AzureDiamond: oh, really?
:Cthon98: Absolutely
:AzureDiamond: you can go hunter2 my hunter2-ing hunter2
:AzureDiamond: haha, does that look funny to you?
:Cthon98: lol, yes. See, when YOU type hunter2, it shows to us as *******
:AzureDiamond: thats neat, I didnt know IRC did that
:Cthon98: yep, no matter how many times you type hunter2, it will show to us as *******
:AzureDiamond: awesome!
:AzureDiamond: wait, how do you know my pw?
:Cthon98: er, I just copy pasted YOUR ******'s and it appears to YOU as hunter2 cause its your pw
:AzureDiamond: oh, ok.

boys, boys, boys

2005-02-11T21:34:00.000Z

Half of 'the boys' ... And no, the bf isn't in that shot ;P

I am exhausted again. And sick. And so damn busy at the moment. Anyway, there go my excuses. Back to posting ... It's been an odd mix of a week. Was honorary g-friend on a great Boys' Night Out (the best night out in a long while it must be added). It was so good not to talk relationships/dieting/frocks and just goof around and eat (and man, do I like it when I'm the comparatively 'dainty' eater - a RARE treat). Slightly disappointing to find out that *extreme sports* and *strip clubs* do not feature in the average Boys' Night Out though ...

On a not so 'boys, boys, boys' note: I did some student recruitment work on Wednesday evening and met some less delightful 'boys'. One of whom told my colleague that my university's acronym stands for the School of Oral and Anal Sex. He then stood over me for 10 minutes and, looking down my top the entire time, attempted to explain why 'all African men' find me attractive. Ew.

"it's strange ...

2005-02-09T13:46:00.000Z

... that the favourite drink of homeless people is called Tenants..." Indeed. Thanks to Banksy for that one.

reality tv too far?

2005-02-08T17:43:00.000Z

Oh, the wonders of the internet. This time: a Tennessee detention facility. You can even leave 'em a message in their guest book ...

by popular demand

2005-02-07T20:13:00.000Z

Howdy folks! I'm sorry about the unannounced vacation from my blog (truth be told, had I known it was gonna be for so long there would've been some kind of announcement). Anyway, I believe I'm back, thanks in part to the 'popular demand' (as expressed by Richard & Grant - cheers guys).

Tomorrow, I hope, will see a return to form ... but for now let me tell you where I've been. Well, right here in fact. But suffering from EXHAUSTION. I did a stupid thing last Monday and joined a beautiful but scandalously expensive gym and have spent the best part of the week killing myself there. I don't want to go the way of Richard and Maurice. By the way, why is the first trip so fun (I had never been to a gym, not once before in my whole 26 years) and any consequent visits so terrible?

I never thought you could be too tired to blog. But oh, you so can. Welcome to the real world, Kate, of pain and exhaustion and sweat.

gas works, haggerston

2005-01-31T21:56:00.000Z

Can't decide if they're monstrous or beautiful.

(don't matter if you're) black or white

2005-01-31T17:18:00.000Z

No, I'm not referring to this debacle. Really, I can't be arsed to comment on that child-molesting scumbag*. Nope, black or white vehicles is order of the day. Why? Because they're killers on the loose and I ain't happy with 'em!

As many of you know, I cycle the streets of London every day. Not - as is the common belief - because I have a death wish, but because it's a fun way to get fit and it's about 3 million times quicker than getting the bus into work. However, it has some serious pitfalls, not least the frequent near-death experiences caused by - guess what? - black cars and white vans.

I have realised, after 6 months of near-misses and almost-heart-attacks, that the main culprits on the roads are the drivers of black cars and white vans (cars meaning fancy, shiny, expensive-looking vehicles, often SUVs/4x4s). And I don't think it's just chance.

Last night on my way back, not one but TWO white vans pulled out in front of me on the same stretch of road. I saved myself by squealing to a halt and almost flying over the handlebars. Not very pleasant. The thing is, both drivers saw me approaching - I was going downhill on the main road, fairly fast, but made eye contact just before they pulled out (from the side road). Why would they do that??! There was nothing behind me, so if they'd waited for me to pass it would've only been for a couple of seconds. Maybe it's some sick joke they play - 'splat the cyclist' or something.

Black car drivers are an altogether different breed. Whereas white van drivers tend to be Sun-reading, Benson-chaining fat-bastard oafs, the black car driver is usually a high-powered 'exec' type with more money than sense or courtesy. My run-ins with these guys (yes, usually guys) have occurred mainly around Old St and Clerkenwell Road and let me tell you: they are one mean species. The problem here seems to centre around the fact that they have paid no small fortune for their bling-bling fast car, and they sure as hell aren't going to let a cyclist get in the way of them using the full force of its power.

So ... I'm looking for revenge. And it will be sweet. But I need your help people ...

[Motorcycles another time.]

*Does anyone else out there have issues trying to reconcile the image of that freak machine with the soulful genius of classic songs like 'Billy Jean' ..?

battered

2005-01-29T10:46:00.000Z

testiculating

2005-01-27T20:44:00.000Z

It seems appropriate, after the day of office nonsense that I've just endured (envelope stuffing, photocopying and faxing, no less), to share the love and share the lingo. So here we go - the finest workplace vocabulary for 2005 ...

TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking b*llocks.
BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on.
SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.
OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

cool for cats

2005-01-25T19:16:00.000Z

Well, seeing as we're all enjoying the fabulous new Haloscan comments feature so much (!), how about a quick survey? Answer as many - or as few - of the following as you like and feel free to add any other thoughts ...

Which language(s) do you think have a 'cool' factor?
Why?
Does new and exciting = cool in some way?
If you had to create a new language, what features would you give it to ensure its 'coolness'?
Do you think language learning / learners are 'cool'?

hackney: it ain't all bad

2005-01-24T17:38:00.000Z

London Fields in the beautiful, frosty afternoon sun yesterday. Sometimes it's good to get out, take some pictures and feel at one with your hood.

hello halo

2005-01-24T13:43:00.000Z

Blogger, I love ya, but your comments system sucks.

I am sure you people out there are as sick as I am of waiting for Blogger to do its thang, so I've just made life that little bit easier by replacing Blogger's comments with Haloscan. And lost all your old comments in the process, sniff. If anyone can tell me how to transfer them to Haloscan I will love you forever.

crash and burn

2005-01-23T21:09:00.000Z

You know how I moan from time to time about my PhD? (Ahem.) Well it's generally because I feel inadequate. My mum recently pointed out to me that I'm not happy unless I'm doing better than the vast majority of people around me - which pissed me off, but only really because it's true.

Anyway, on Fridays we have classes on how to be a PhD student. Sounds hokey? Well maybe, but they're also fun, and in my opinion quite helpful. We've been learning how to write abstracts for conferences and present our work succinctly so far.

This Friday, the last remaining classmate had to give her mock presentation. She decided (unwisely) to present her PhD topic. (I say unwisely because 4 months into a 3/4 year PhD you don't generally know what you're talking about.)

It was like watching a car crash.

The poor girl has some serious problems. She's working on Chinese tones (she's a native speaker), and how they can be equated with musical notes. Interesting. However, she's using a system that was designed for intonation (different to tone - intonation happens at the sentence level and tone at the syllable level), and hasn't adapted it to fit either the musical notes or the language. Fair enough: early days and all ...

What is not fair enough, however, is that she has entirely ignored a tone! There are 4 pitch tones in Mandarin Chinese and one neutral. The neutral one might not be of interest to her, but it is a fifth of the tonal system. You can't just ignore it! Not only that, but she has also got one of the tones wrong - she has decided it's a fixed tone instead of the rising tone it should be.

I won't go on. I'm sure it's pretty dull stuff for you non-linguists. But I had to show the depth of crash and burn that I witnessed on Friday. And report that, at this moment in time, I am feeling goooood about my research. I am going to hell ...

these people live near me

2005-01-22T21:07:00.000Z

asparapee

2005-01-20T21:35:00.000Z

Asparagus is a wonderful vegetable. It is one of very few vegetables to barbecue really well (along with corn and mushrooms) and it also gives you vile smelling piss. What more could a girl want?!

I only became aware of this over the summer, when my good friends in Seattle asked if I was a victim of asparapee. I didn't have a clue what they were talking about (those crazy yanks) so they barbecued up a stack of 'em for us and let nature take its course. It turned out that the four of us (our good friends, the bf and myself) are all 'producers' and I think we are also all 'sensors' - for curiously enough, only 40-70% of people 'produce' the vile smelling yellow stuff and fewer again can smell it.

I was quite content with this snippet of curiosity ... Until today. When, for no apparent reason, I began to produce asparapee all by myself. That's right: I have not been in spitting distance of an asparagus in weeks. And I'm getting a bit worried ...

currently doing the rounds ...

2005-01-19T11:16:00.000Z

Suggested updates for the OED:

AEROPLANE BLONDE - One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'. AUSSIE KISS - Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under. BOBFOC - Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch. GOING FOR A McSHIT - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, just using the toilet facilities. If challenged by a pimply member of staff, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a McShit with Lies. GREYHOUND - A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training. MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but nothing worth seeing inside. MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!". SALAD DODGER - An overweight person.

Coming soon: workplace chat.

enough already

2005-01-18T19:56:00.000Z

I was trying hard to leave this one alone, but I am getting SCARED. Not only has the tsunami devastated a large chunk of Asia, it is also threatening Africa, South America and the rest of the developing world. For half the world's population, extreme poverty is an everyday reality. Christian Aid are masters of managing long-term aid. For every pound they receive, they spend:

* 52p on long-term development projects
* 11p on responding to emergencies
* 16p on campaigning and education
* 19p on fundraising
* 2p on administration

Read Stef's great post on Tsunami Fatigue Syndrome.
Please: don't forget the rest of the world!

beauty queen

2005-01-17T22:49:00.000Z

OK, so I may joke about pretty poo, but really I'm quite a sucker for beauty. I took a group of EFL students along a short city walk this evening - Aldwych, Fleet Street, St Paul's and over the Thames on the Millennium Bridge. And it took my breath away. At night! It's such a stunning city, it really is, and the closer you look, the more rewards you reap. We popped into Bank (the old Bank of England, now a Fuller's pub) and it is stunning. Wow.

I resolve, then, to spend more time really LOOKING at this wonderful place. And maybe I can give up the chocolate resolution ...

pretty poo

2005-01-16T13:12:00.000Z

Who says my shit don't shine? It sure will when I ingest the pure silver contained in these little parcels of joy.

give yourself to the darkside

2005-01-15T23:29:00.000Z

I have fallen in love. This is my favourite ever beer, without a doubt, and I discovered it tonight.

Not only is it wonderful (in all its dark, velvety, sweet, strong richness) but it also brings a delightful linguistic tale with it.

Peculier or Peculiar?

You might have seen some old labels of OP that use the spelling "Peculiar". Well, if you've read your OP history on this Web site, then you'll know that the beer got its name from the Peculier Court of Masham. However, at one time, the management team at Theakston got so fed up being told they couldn't spell that they moved over to "Peculiar". We finally reverted back to the proper -ier spelling in or about 1974.

What more can I say, other than: Give Yourself To The Darkside.

the only way is up*

2005-01-15T18:23:00.000Z

Wow, the last few days have been hectic. Sorted out my life on Thursday - met with the supervisor and told him what a lazy ho I am. Well not quite, but I think he worked it out. He has demanded various pieces of work from me and suggested a plan of action. So I am feeling fairly positive about the whole phud thing now. And after 2 days of the most boring office work ever, I have finally realised why phudding is the way to go. Hurray! Thanks, by the way, for the encouragement, wise words and sympathies. Much appreciated :D I must add, though, that anything negative is born out of my own laziness (my university is fabulous).

On a less positive note ... I managed to completely forget my mum's birthday on Thursday. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! I have to phone her in a bit and grovel. I feel so awful about it. Bad daughter. Any ideas for a GREAT present for a 50-something food and language junky ..?

*Sorry if you now have that terrible Yazz song in your head for the rest of the day!

phudding it

2005-01-12T20:30:00.000Z

When I first started my PhD, I went to the introductory talk given by the Dean of the university. I don’t usually go to such things as I have an attention span of about 12 minutes (less if the talk is boring) and an inability to feign interest. What compelled me attend, I don’t know. But boy, am I glad I did.

The main point of the talk, it seemed, was not really to welcome us, nor to motivate us. Of course, those things were in there. But that’s not why we were there. The point was to tell that it’s OK.

I remember being a little bemused by it all at the time: the Dean of the university (the guy who, ultimately, is to blame if it all goes pear-shaped for us phudders) spent the best part of an hour telling us that during the course of our research we would experience depression, lethargy, pain, loneliness, laziness and boredom. And that it’s OK. We will have months where we do nothing, absolutely nothing. We will fall behind schedule. If we are lucky we might get it all finished a year behind schedule, but that for most of us it’d be closer to two, maybe three, years later than planned. And it’s OK.

At the time, I brushed it off. I knew it’d be hell getting the 100,000 words out at the end of it all, but that was three years away. I didn’t need the Dean to tell me that. What I didn’t know that those things he told us about would come so early – all of them, in the first 4 months. And though I’m now hanging on by the skin of my teeth – desperate at the moment to leave this circus, join the Real World – I have a hell of a lot more hope than I would have were it not for that talk ...

which american city are you?

2005-01-12T13:19:00.000Z

Take the quiz

Liberal and proud, you'll live your lifestyle however you choose in the face of all that would supress you.

Well cool then!

haiknews

2005-01-11T16:28:00.000Z

They may not all make sense to non-Brit readers, but these daily haiknews, or 'today's news in 5-7-5 syllables' are very cute. For example:

Prescott gets angry
Over Blair Brown infighting
Don't make him lash out

the curse of the bog troll

2005-01-10T16:20:00.000Z

What is with toilet attendants??! It seems that everywhere I go they're lurking in the bowels of the building, desperate to relieve me of my hard-earned cash. And if I don't have any cash? Well then I get to spend my evening suffering from The Guilt.

It wouldn't be so bad if said attendants worked at public toilets, where they're probably needed, and where you'd be happy to hand over your 50 cents* to keep the place sweet-smelling and crime-free. But at bars and restaurants where you've likely already forked out a small fortune ..? Please! It's the food/drink I've just BOUGHT that's caused me to need the toilet facilities after all!

Grrr.

Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you get this in the States? Do you pay up? (I do, generally, as I have enough Guilt to deal with anyway, thanks to my Catholic upbringing.) Anywhere you can add to this list of bog troll lairs in London?

The Light, Shoreditch; Point 101, New Oxford St.; Belgo, Covent Garden; Oh, I know there are more, but that'll do for now.

*50 cents (30p) is apparently the going rate when it comes to tipping bog trolls.

little miss piggy

2005-01-09T14:59:00.000Z

I believe I may be turning into a pig ...

[Thanks to Pigfan in Germany.]

the war against terrible post

2005-01-08T13:50:00.000Z

I am sure I am not the only one to get stressed about the amount of CRAP I receive through my letter box. Even more annoying than the lotteries and draws and prize offers is the endless stream of credit card offers.

What really, really makes me mad is not the abuse of privacy, nor the relentlessness of their attack, but rather their promise of things I cannot have! See, my credit history is poor (due to the places I've lived rather than my own inability to use credit sensibly) and I am still a student ... There is no way in hell that Morgan Stanley are actually going to allow me to use and abuse one of their Platinum cards ... Nor are Capital One ever going to follow through on the offer of their Classic card.

So why do they insist on sending me this crap??!

And so I introduce to you, dear readers, The War Against Terrible Post (TWATP, pronounced twat-pee). From this day forth, every piece of TP received will be returned to its rightful owner, with the slogan 'STOP SENDING ME CRAP' and a polite British request such as 'please remove these details from your database'.

I know it won't work. But it will make me feel a little better. And it will incur them a small postage cost (obviously I'll only send stuff if there's a business reply envelope). And it may even amuse the poor, sad office workers at those banks.

Amen.

mister blair has got a crush

2005-01-07T09:59:00.000Z

One of many superb pictures by the boy fitz hammond. Chortle.

s.p.e.l.l.i.n.g.t.e.s.t.

2005-01-05T16:25:00.000Z

Has anyone else noticed that the words 'blog' and 'google' are not recognised by the blogger spell-checker? Blogger being owned by Google an' all ...

watch her squirm

2005-01-05T16:09:00.000Z

Forgive me for ignoring the comments and jumping straight into a full-blown post about this (again) but there was an event today which I believe merits such action. That's right, while you folks were commenting on the merits of privacy and anonymity, I was finding out that my blog has been discovered. Yelp!

One of the senior members of our department (our webmaster I guess) came up to me today and said, "Kate, is it your blog I found? It is, isn't it? It's cute!" I was mortified! I thought one of my bored and internet-obsessed friends (you know who you are, Leona) might eventually google me if I was really unlucky, but I certainly didn't expect a member of my department to find the cheese!

The poor guy, though: I just stood there, so shocked that I was unable to patch together a coherent sentence, eyes welling up, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me. I kept saying, "no, you can't have found it, no, no, noooo" and similar. Like the freak that I am. He then made it worse by teasing me about how he found it ... I got it eventually: through the damn link to HRELP on the sidebar. Damn it! Fool that I am!

So there's at least one other 'real person' out there who knows about it. But I think that makes just 3, total. The bf (who, yes Richard, is the only 'real person' to comment), my sister (who claims to read it occasionally but really just thinks it's sad and geeky) and the department person. I've only told one friend about the cheese and I refused to give her the address...

Ah well. It was nice while it lasted (privacy and anonymity that is).

ignoring richard

2005-01-04T20:44:00.000Z

It has come to my attention that I have been ignoring Richard. Not on purpose, mind. But as it's very rude, I shall now attempt to undo any damage caused by ignoring Richard and answer his questions ...

1. new job!? (from Monday, December 13, 2004)
My uni's student recruitment office took me on to cover leave for two weeks before Christmas. It was dull, easy and involved sitting on my bum all day ... the perfect antidote to a PhD. They've offered me 2 days a week until June too which is nice, but I'm not really allowed to take it because of funding ... Grrr.

2. wondering if you should give up blogging??? Therein lies a tale! Why? (from Sunday, January 02, 2005)
Erm, I was beginning to feel like I'd run out of things to say ... but then I read some of my posts and realised that the best stuff was just my musings on things that had happened that day, or things that had found their way onto my computer screen. And there would always be that stuff.
There's also the paranoia that someone will find out about it (the only 'real' person to comment on my blog is the bf, and that's a rarity). But then if it's up in cyberspace (and I'd never have the heart to delete it) then it can be found ... so why stop writing?

Richard, if I ignore you again, please kick me. Thanks.

mmm, breakfast

2005-01-04T10:19:00.000Z

in numerical order

2005-01-03T20:59:00.000Z

Calling all happy snappers ... waste an hour or two photographing numbers and trying to get them posted on in numerical order. Or waste a minute or two checking out the numbers so far ...

Flickr, by the way, is my latest obsession ...

update one

2005-01-03T15:51:00.000Z

I have a killer headache. I'd like to think it's due to either the lack of caffeine (aka Hell) or the over-consuption of water ... but it's probably just cause I drank too much last night. Ow. And why did I leave salt off the list? Of course you can't eat brown rice without salt. But I did, and I ate it, and it was gross.

Happy days ...

happy new me

2005-01-02T13:08:00.000Z

Apologies, first, for the lack of post-age over the last 10 days. I'd been wondering whether or not to keep the blogging up and, truth be told, it's been nice having a break. However. I like this place and I like you people. The cheese is still tasting good. So you're stuck with me for at least a little longer :D

The other thing is that ... Well, I'm really gonna need somewhere to go a little crazy over the next week ... Because it's DETOX week, arghhh! I've never done one before and I'll probably never do one again, but for the next 7 days my body is a temple and will be offered only the following:

- brown rice
- herbs
- raw carrots & celery
- apples
- water

It ain't gonna be fun. Wish me luck people ...

happy christmas ...

2004-12-25T23:05:00.000Z

... everybody! I can't write more because I ate too much and can barely reach over my stomach to the keyboard ...

all i want for christmas

2004-12-24T11:43:00.000Z

... is this disturbing wooly face.

i've been told

2004-12-22T14:26:00.000Z

Those kind folk at OkCupid told me yesterday:

Which is actually pretty good, considering that the average female lifespan is 77.1 years. Apparently my most likely cause of death will be cancer (56% chance), followed by a car accident (24%) or, err ... loneliness (13%).

What's more, I get more sleep and move my bowels more regularly than the average OkCupid user (who gets 7.8 hours' sleep and experiences 1.1 bowel movements a day). I bet you didn't know that, now, did you?!

gmail?

2004-12-21T23:17:00.000Z

Anyone out there want a gmail address? I've got 3 invites to give away ... it's The New Hotmail, don't you know? First three to comment ...

the morning after

2004-12-21T18:01:00.000Z

An interesting birthday that began and ended well (and that's what's important, right?) Here's a selection of highlights ...

- Presents: Yoda-themed from the bf! Including DJ Yoda's superb How To Cut & Paste Vol. 1 and this lovely little fellow:

- Bill Bailey: superb. Laughed my little socks off :D
- Meeting random student types in a pub after the show, including artist Ted (Edward Haddon).
- Mmmmmm, sushi. Not from Ikkyu - thought we'd try somewhere new, Chisou. and very good it was too.
- Many happy returns from a wonderful selection of internet-
crazy strangers ;D Thanks! And the counter hit 1000 which was a very cool 'present' for a sad obsessive like me.

... and lowlights ...

- The journey in: I had mini panic attacks on the bus (which I had to get off early) and then the tube (which I also had to get off early). Very unpleasant. Walked lots. Took bloody ages to get into town.
- Rubbish real life friends: they all forgot to text/email/call apart from the bf's best mate and our mates in Seattle.

cumpleanos

2004-12-20T01:04:00.000Z

That's right folks - it's my birthday! 26 since you ask. And it's not feeling nearly as awful as I thought it would. In fact, right now I appear to be drunk (it took me 7 repeat plays before before I realised that I was listening to the same song on repeat) and tomorrow (when the birthday really HAPPENS) I get to:

- lie in
- unwrap presents!!
- eat lots
- visit the Tate Modern
- eat sushi at Ikkyu
- see Bill Bailey be very funny
- take taxis places

I was also gonna go ice skating but I couldn't be arsed to book it in time (which was about 3 months ago).

Thanks for all the recommendations and questions. Some of you have really had me thinking. Cool, a student actually thinking! And on that note ...

question wonderland

2004-12-18T17:11:00.000Z

Swiped from Kitten and James.

First, recommend to me:

A) A Movie
B) A Book
C) A song/CD/band

Then: Ask me three questions ... anything you want ... don't be shy ... and I will answer in the comments section.

amphib-u-like

2004-12-17T21:08:00.000Z

This evening's post was going to be a call for suggestions of suitable attire for a Posh Frog party. Yup, my good friend Alice and her bizarre mates have decided to hold an amphibian-themed New Year's Eve party.

Then I found this. Please, you gotta go check it out!

the ministry of silly names

2004-12-17T15:11:00.000Z

... should be my new workplace's alternative title. Check these out: Nima Mina, Dic Lo, Doctor Hopgood ... And how do I know this? Because I've spent the last 2 days entering staff names, job titles, phone numbers and email addresses into a database. What fun. The names provide some comic relief at least. By the way, thanks all for the kind and amusing comments. It's been a busy week (more soon) but I'm back now ...

comedy christmas toy of the week

2004-12-14T13:01:00.000Z

Shamelessly pilfered from the phud bitch I should add. What big kid wouldn't want a CSI Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit for Christmas?

"This facial reconstruction kit comes with a featureless plastic skull totally stripped of identity. It's secured on a sturdy platform for easy reconstruction, using two pounds of good quality modeling clay and four plastic sculpting tools, all included. There's also a rolling pin and platform for flattening out the clay for certain facial areas. The contours of the face come to life with each dab of clay, and with the addition of removable, plastic brown eyes, a nose, and frames and spaces for ears and lips that will need to be filled in. A detailed CSI instruction manual tells step-by-step how to create the figure, even creating hair and eyebrows." I love Amazon.

another one bites the dust

2004-12-13T22:10:00.000Z

BBC1, what are you doing? You just killed my favourite spook! I'm not sure if there's anyone else out there who watches it, but this series of Spooks has been TEAR jerking, damn it. It's supposed to be a nice light Monday night drama and then they go kill all the main protagonists. It sure ain't Hollywood.

However, today isn't all bad ... I learnt from a nice lady at my new job* how she knows she's hit 40: "I lay awake all night Friday - it was only in the morning that I realised that it was out of excitement at the prospect of the man coming to steam-clean the carpet".

Good lord.

*more on that shortly.

but is it art?

2004-12-11T23:25:00.000Z

But do I care? David Shrigley: my favourite art(ish)ist in the world. Well, for today at least.

If you like the words and pictures, then also read this - a great article. I first saw Shrigley's work at the Beck's Futures exhibition at the ICA in 2000ish. I remember walking round with my parents, gobsmacked at what could be called art (it was my first proper modern art exhibition) - and then dad and I spotted his stuff and we just stood there for ages, giggling together. A fond memory.

politeness

2004-12-10T18:19:00.000Z

We have these departmental seminars every week, and this week's was on politeness. Something we Brits are a little too good at, some might say. Anyway, one of the most famous examples of politeness in English is the use of an indirect question to ask someone to do something for you - such as can you pass the salt? It's well known that indirectness is a mark of politeness in English (British English especially), and that it's neutral, i.e. a genuine question, in some other languages, for example Polish or Russian. What isn't so well known, though, is that this same question is actually interpreted as rude in some other languages - for example Thai. Apparently it calls into question their ability to pass the salt.

Ah, wonderful language.

carnival

2004-12-09T16:42:00.001Z

I am in a state of confusion.

I love - and obsess over - my little blog. But I also like the fact that it is indeed 'little' - that you, my dear 10-or-so readers are just 10-or-so. That my friends do not know about it so I can use it to vent about them. That if I write a rubbish post (again) only 10 people will be unimpressed. That if I misspell or am grammatically inaccurate, only 10 will laugh.

And then there is this thing ... I have been 'invited' to submit to the Carnival of Whores, sorry, Blogs* on The Famous Site (according to the bf who is apparently the new fountain of blog knowledge): the magnificent A New York Escorts Confessions (see her post on the missing apostrophe, grammar geeks!).

And it is very tempting.
And it is very scary.

*In jest. I love this blog

lights, camera? action!

2004-12-08T22:18:00.000Z

Tonight was one of those great nights. On the way home, from the greatest Vietnamese restaurant in London, we spotted lights. Not the rubbish Oxford Street ones (really, what is the point?), but rather some New and Exciting lights coming from the East.

Usually I would've said "I need a wee, let's go home" but for some reason I said, "let's go check out the lights. Damn, I need a wee." and off we went on our night time mission.

We found the lights ... There were at least 3: one pointing to a canal bridge, another pointing down an alley and a third pointing to the gas works (this was the one we saw from afar). They were proper film set lights, super-bright and fancy, but there were no further clues. No actors, no sets, no Big Vans.

So we cycled down the alley and along the canal, past the gas works and home again. And though there are no answers, though there are no clues, tonight is still a Great Night.

amusant, oui?

2004-12-08T10:42:00.000Z

bend over, it's examination time

2004-12-07T17:09:00.000Z

Oh dear, it's that nasty time of the year when bloggers desert their readers and buckle down to some much-needed revision. Yes folks, it's pre-Christmas exam time! Also enjoying examination time are NHL, Richard and probably many others.So good luck to you all and may the force be with us ... or something.

My exam - in case you're interested - is in statistics. LUCKY ME. And before you start wondering if it's really necessary for a linguist to learn stats ... Well, no, according to my department it's not. But I am a masochist. And I will one day play with large amounts of data. So maybe it might help.

Arghhh!

For lighter-hearted entertainment, go check out Matt the Monkey Boy's cheeky advent calendar.
(Please note: this is not an advocation of shameless self-promotion on other people's blogs ...)

rudolph the red faced reindeer

2004-12-06T13:04:00.000Z

Oh dear, it turns out that Rudolph isn't just red-nosed but also red-faced after it was realised that he is in fact a she ...

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore every single one of Santa's reindeer, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

However ...

It's not impossible that a male reindeer could retain his antlers as late as December 24th, it's just not the norm. And that's not nearly as unusual as a fellow who lives at the North Pole, spends the year making toys for millions of children all over the world, and manages to deliver all of them in a single evening. If Santa could find a way to make reindeer fly, his coming up with a way to ensure the bulls kept their antlers until late December must have been a piece of cake.

rapture

2004-12-05T20:59:00.000Z

red tape and referencing

2004-12-03T13:56:00.000Z

So, after realising that my thesis will not write itself whilst I mess about on the internet (more's the pity) I decided to see what I should actually be doing this term. Turns out that this term's project is to write the Bibliography (capital letter to highlight the fact that this forms a part of the actual thesis, woo-hoo!) This is all well and good ... except that in the first term of a 3-year PhD we haven't really read very much yet (or at least I haven't, but then maybe that's 'cause I'm always messing about on here, hehe). Surely they are not encouraging us to list books and articles we have NEVER read and probably have NO INTENTION of reading? Are they ..? Dear God, this is exactly what I've spent the last 4 years learning: how and why to reference, the point of bibliographies and the stupidity of putting down items that you haven't read. Hmmm ...

friendster

2004-12-02T09:28:00.000Z

What is it with the people on this site? Do they not realise that there are in fact many internet DATING sites? I guess it is my own fault for signing up (addict) but really: I have specified that I am "in a relationship" and that I am not looking to "flirt"/"date"/whatever. And yet I still get this message:

Hi! I am 27/m/singapore working as an engineer. I am v frank n open minded person. I like to go out, surf net, movies. I like to beach. SIngapore is small country. V neat, clean and safe place. Famous for shopping n dining. Do u have any bf? I m single n virgin. How is life? Write to me. Take care. bye

Being the nice, polite girl that I am I write back:

Thanks for your message and for telling me about Singapore - it sounds great and I'd love to go visit one day. I'm sorry but I have a boyfriend - he lives with me and we're very happy together so I am not looking to meet any more guys. It was nice of you to write though. Take care, Kate.

And this is what I get back:

wow everyday u stay with ur bf and every night u suck for him. U doing PHD in which field. I m virgin.

Like I'm going to respond to that!
I think there will be no more Friendster-ing for me ...

the humility machine

2004-12-01T18:13:00.000Z

This site is very cool - you get to check out people's "lifetime achievements" and vote for the ones you think are cooler ... or if you're hardcore you can enter your own achievements and get them rated by Joe Public, nice! Examples of the achievements that might be pitted against each other:

Drained my dog's puss bubble.
Vs.
Won concert tickets for the Pixies' Trompe Le Monde tour in a contest at a shopping mall. Nobody else had entered.

Beat the crappy Lord of the Rings game in one weekend.
Vs.
Have cheated on my husband at least twice per year over 11 years of marriage. Most recently with my neighbour and her husband.

Won more than 3 science fairs during elementary and middle school.
Vs.
Told a girl she had a nice mustache.

Read every single Terry Pratchett book.
Vs.
Rode a bicycle from toronto to vancouver.

(Thanks Richard - you helped me find this.)

brand spanking shiny new phone

2004-11-30T16:14:00.000Z

If it ever arrives ... I will hopefully be the proud owner of this, mmmm, Sony Ericsson K700i, yum yum. Rather worryingly though, I saw the ad for it the other day (after having ordered it) and it's the one with the Death In Vegas song ('Hands Around My Throat') and I have a horrible feeling that I bought it because of that song. Arghhh! Sucked in!! Damn subconscious!

delivery nonsense

2004-11-30T11:42:00.000Z

Why, oh why, oh why are people in this country so damn useless at delivering anything? Every single time they manage to FAIL to deliver when they say they will and I end up losing at least 2 days of my life from this end (and probably another week in stress from the other end). Grrr.

Today's culprits are DHL who I phoned half an hour ago to check delivery status (they told me yesterday it'd be today after I spent the whole of yesterday waiting in for them). Now they think it might be tomorrow, but they can't get through to the Enfield branch to check so someone will call me back in TWO HOURS to let me know when it MIGHT be. Apparently I can't be trusted with the branch number myself (because what, I might figure out the address from the phone number and go blow them up or something? Hmmm, almost tempting!)

Anyway. At least I'll have a brand spanking shiny new phone when they finally show up in two weeks ...

wedding highlights

2004-11-28T16:35:00.000Z

I don't know whether to love or hate weddings. Not only are they guilty of all being the same, they all make me feel like a turd for being an atheist. The sermon at yesterday's wedding, for example, said 'a god-less marriage is an unhappy marriage' or similar about 36.2 times. And that's fine for all the nice, happy Christian folk but it makes me feel guilty (I was raised Catholic) and just generally turd.

However, it wasn't all bad and I feel it is only fair to share the highlights. So, in no particular order:

- pumpkin pie! I finally got to try it and it officially ROCKS (it was an Anglo-American wedding you see, with a thanksgiving theme);

- the woman (must be a happy-clapper) who did Celtic jigging to the Macarena;

- skiving off for a spot of shopping 'cause no one knew me and hence no one could miss me;

- the woman who was wearing The World's Smallest Hat (which looked a bit like this):

- the dude (he looked a little like Eminem, but spottier) who was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and kept shouting about how he was so embarrased to be the white trash guy;

- the looks of horror-disguised-as-pleasure when we collectively sipped our fake champagne (Asti, ew!) during the toasts. Priceless!

weddings and funerals

2004-11-26T10:58:00.000Z

Well, hopefully just a wedding actually ... Yeah, no more blogging for me for a few days (yelp! Real world exploration!) as I'm off to a wedding in Bury-St-Edmunds (could it sound any more quaint?) with a ton of people I don't know. Hmmm. I would feel slightly less anxious if I could wear this hat ... But I don't think it's appropriate for weddings, is it? (Nor funerals I guess.)

Adios amigos.

the united states of great britain

2004-11-26T10:50:00.000Z

Hey, this is hilarious:

'To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to elect a suitable President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy ...' I particularly like rule 6(b):

'Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American"football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.'

on a brighter note ...

2004-11-25T21:00:00.000Z

... at least I'm not as dumb as this guy:

"While the plywood and 2X4s are fairly obvious, what you can't see is the back seat, which contains -- are you ready for this? -- 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each. They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs.
Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the back shocks were driven through the floorboard. The car, with FL plates (naturally), was headed for Annapolis, where the couple presumably planned to build a new house in which to smoke their crack."

Thank you 'Stu' for this .

thanksgiving

2004-11-25T20:46:00.000Z

Happy thanksgiving, folks! I decided a while back to adopt this holiday - despite being a miserable Brit - because it would enable me to pig out on turkey and mash and ham and stuffing and pie (I have never had a slice of pumpkin pie!!). But sadly my chef-in-residence (the BF) is away and all I had for thanksgiving dinner was a microwave meal :(

So here's hoping that your thanksgivings are better than mine and that one day I will experience pumkin pie.

I'm off to cry ...

p-mate

2004-11-24T11:19:00.000Z

I am not sure whether I find this more disturbing or intriguing. And I have to admit, it would be useful to be able to pee standing up. Any thoughts, ladies ..?

Apparently the makers of p-mate introduced the she-pee urinal to bemused Glastonbury festival-goers this year.

kittens for kitten

2004-11-22T23:16:00.000Z

I cannot even begin to describe kittens. So just go click. Oh, and make sure your speakers are on :)

the persuit of happiness

2004-11-22T13:10:00.000Z

So, to cheer myself up I will remind myself that I have just ordered this ... old school, baby! And 10 rolls of film so I can snap away to my heart's content.

wonky

2004-11-22T13:03:00.000Z

We had friends to dinner last night. One of them pointed out that my left eye is bigger than my right eye; her BF laughed and added that they were also set at different levels. Hurray, not only are they odd sized, they are also wonky. Being a little tipsy I had a big sulk and ruined the party. I am still kinda moody about it. Grrr.

don't pimp my fish

2004-11-20T21:29:00.000Z

I thought Pimp My Ride was the coolest show ... until they put a fishtank - complete with Ike and Tina Goldfish - in this dude's car. Does no one think this is a little crazy? Those poor little fishies are gonners when the sun comes out and turns their tank into a jacuzzi. Shame on Xzibit.

the political compass

2004-11-18T15:09:00.000Z

I may not be an official Quiz Ho (see Monday 15th) but I do find them hard to resist ... which is why I ended up taking the Political Compass test. What I didn't realise is just how good the site would be. I have practically ZERO political knowledge, or rather I didn't until I spent the last 2 hours exploring their site. Fascinating. I particularly like the US Election 2004 section. Anyway, I know you'll be dying to hear my score, so imagine a dot just a touch south-east of Ghandi and there I am. Which is also where I'd like to be (although not where I thought I'd be).

I'm in good company, actually - Gandhi, Nelson Mandela and, a little further south, the Dalai Lama.

slow start

2004-11-18T09:32:00.000Z

This morning I feel like a slow start. First, I feel guilty about not posting yesterday ... it'd be ok except that last night a very nice dude told my he was stalking my blog *blush* so I feel like I should at least try to provide stalkable material.

The other reason I haven't leapt on my bike and powered into school is that it's really bloody miserable out there and I don't feel quite ready to experience it ... cold and mushy ... if it's windy too I may just have to die. At least if I cycle into the canal on my way in I'll be wet already ... Oh, but then I would be joining the upside-down floating dog. Ew. Maybe I should just stay in and eat all the nice bread the BF made this morning ...

grrr

2004-11-16T16:25:00.000Z

I hate it when that happens. Rent a rubbish DVD (The Ladykillers, and I don't care what you say, I'll still think it's rubbish), rush home from dinner the next night in order to take it back in time ... then forget to take it back. D'oh!

So now we've paid £6 for a DVD we watched for 30 minutes - and we got indigestion to boot. Grrr indeed.

why we Brits take the mickey

2004-11-16T14:14:00.000Z

The BF asked me a couple of days ago where 'take the mick(ey)' comes from. Turns out it's Cockney Rhyming Slang for 'take the piss' - the slightly more common/widespread expression. How does that work? Well, 'Mick(ey)' is a pet version of Mike and the full Cockney Rhyming Slang for piss is Mike Bliss. So it's really 'take the Mike Bliss' (although who Mike Bliss is, no one seems to know).

N.B. in Cockney Rhyming Slang it is the rhyming part which is deleted when using the slang in normal speech, hence "have a butcher's - the trouble's on the dog again!" means "have a look* - the wife's** on the phone*** again!"

*look = butcher's hook
**wife = trouble and strife
***phone = dog and bone

For a dictionary of Cockney Rhyming Slang, visit the English-Slang page of this site.

not a quiz ho ...

2004-11-15T08:49:00.000Z

My result from Keeme's "Are you a quiz ho?" quiz:

You are SUCH A HO (but not a quiz ho). Please
update your phone number on the bathroom wall
at the local convenience store. Many MANY
people are asking for you here and we only have
3 phone lines. By the way "what are you
wearing?"

ARE YOU A QUIZ HO?
brought to you by Quizilla

facelift

2004-11-15T01:10:00.000Z

'Regulars' will probably have noticed a rather dramatic facelift - not a personal one (although the new photo does show me with a worryingly jaundiced-looking neck, so that'll be next thing to be 'lifted' when I figure out how) but to the site. I was just getting too narked by the spots after a month of posting and felt it was time to streamline my appearance. So, hope you like it!

eBay haiku

2004-11-14T15:56:00.000Z

eBay I love you
where else could I find chef's pants
for 99p?

the waiting game

2004-11-14T13:51:00.000Z

Arghhh! I just remembered that this week my MA grade will be finalised. It makes me sick to my stomach every time I think about it, and because I keep forgetting about it (how?! How is that possible??!) and then remembering again it makes me feel more sick. Like the feeling you get when you wake up after a Big Night Out and start remembering what you said/did ...

My MA result should have been really good. I somehow managed to get A grades, "distinctions" I suppose, for all of my coursework ... then for my dissertation I decided to work in an area in which I had no experience (acoustics), on a language I barely knew (Khorchin Mongolian) and attempted something really far too challenging for an MA dissertation. Then my supervisor got called up for jury duty all summer and by the time he was done I was off for an extended break in the US. As you can imagine, it's not exactly my best piece of work ever ... and to make matters even worse, my university has this stupid rule that your dissertation mark is the highest mark you can be awarded for your MA - despite only officially counting for 25% of the marks. Grrrrr. Ah well, at least I'll know soon I guess.

Best possible outcome: don't know ... maybe a Merit? That'd be cool.

Worst possible outcome: FAIL. Funding gets pulled. Place on PhD programme gets pulled. I have to find a real job. (This would be *New and Exciting* though ... so not really the worst case scenario.)

Worst case scenario: I scrape a pass 'cause they want me on the PhD programme and I've got funding already. I lose any respect I had before. Weeks of head-hanging. My supervisor tries to dump me. General shame.

animaux

2004-11-14T11:50:00.000Z

I don't remember where I got this now (shame on me) but it's kind of cute/awful. I may shed a tear or two when I eat my roast beef dinner today ...

wu are you?

2004-11-12T13:10:00.000Z

Or, which member of the mighty Wu-Tang Clan are you? I am ... wait for it ... the Master Killer:

Pretty cool, huh? To find out *wu* you are, click here. Or if you'd prefer to be a little more original and get your own Clan name, than here's where to go ... I am the Optimistic Lyricist, apparently.

biscuits and bangs

2004-11-12T10:26:00.000Z

Oh, how I love to hear of strange new phobias. NHL (sorry about the picture) posted a comment about his being phobic of opening cans of biscuits. I decided to do some research into this, mainly to find out what it's called (they're all called something ... must be some linguist out there who just spends his/her time creating names for phobias). I failed on that count, but he will surely be pleased to know that he is not alone. First, check out this Health Bulletin Board devoted to the phobia, then read this very cute memoir by Keeme.

By the way, we don't have biscuits like this in the UK - what we call biscuits you US folk call cookies ... and what we call cookies are big, soft, squishy cookies (do you have a separate name for those over there?) ... anyway, the biscuit-and-gravy breakfast type of biscuit just doesn't exist here ... and I found it to be mighty strange when I tried it last year (never again!) Oh, and finally, gravy here is only the meat jus type (or Bisto if you're rubbish at making it like me). None of that creamy lumpy stuff ...

almost famous!

2004-11-10T17:25:00.000Z

What an exciting day it is ... I have just been awarded (!) my own page on the HRELP site, hurray! Must mean I am almost famous. Maybe not. More likely to turn up in Google searches though - and that's always fun. Check me out here.

blogs of note (i)

2004-11-09T09:59:00.000Z

Engrish.com is for all you TEFL teachers out there (I used to be one myself until I saw the light ... or something). Full of baad Engrish from around the world ... including delights like the one below in the Adult Engrish section.

Another favourite is this daily cartoon diary by Jeff Rowland ... Check out his Wigu story comic too.

food lovers' fair

2004-11-08T16:47:00.000Z

On Sunday I should've been working hard ... having taken Saturday off for The Bungee Jump that didn't happen (not mine I might add; I would never dream of throwing myself off a tall structure for fun) and instead spent it sampling fine ales at the Big Chill Bar (very nice) and Turkish and Moroccon teas at the Hookah Lounge (nice but oh-so up itself) on Brick Lane, I really had quite a lot to catch up on ...

Never mind! The Food Lovers' Fair at Covent Garden was really far too good to miss. And when it comes to work vs. fine food ... well, we only live once, right? Anyway, I found some tasty products I feel it is only right to share, so here we go. If you want to know why it's chic to reek, click here. For the finest in smoked eel products (we bought some pate, yummmmm) click here. For mail order fish and shellfish, click here. Mmmm, feeling hungry again. Now where did I put that smoked eel pate ...?

fright fest

2004-11-04T14:06:00.000Z

Oh no, this is not a happy post. I have just found that my ultimate nightmare exists: Balloon Manor. A whole sick house filled with balloons and things made out of balloons (I'm phobic in case ya hadn't guessed already).

Click here if you want to share my horror.

US elections part (ii)

2004-10-23T20:57:00.000+01:00

In case you need it: Daily Reason to Dispatch Bush. And if you don't then you'll probably enjoy reading it even more ...

strange and beautiful

2004-10-23T18:31:00.000+01:00

For some strange and beautiful ways to brighten up your desktop, check out Zapato Themeato's Odds & Ends here. It is really quite an odd collection ... from beautiful newsreaders (Daljit anyone?) though black helicopters and Kelvinism to Dactyl Fractal ... which apparently is this:

are you a pikey?

2004-10-22T14:40:00.000+01:00

This could just as easily be titled 'are you a chav?'. And I shall post my score here shortly ... may I suggest that you do the same?

Click here for the pikey quiz.

chav buzzes into top spot

2004-10-22T14:02:00.000+01:00

Oh, the delight! According to Susie Dent, author of 'Larpers and Shroomers' (published by OUP next month), chav is the buzzword of 2004. It follows 2001's 9/11, 2002's Axis of Evil and last year's sex up. So what is a chav? It's what a Scot would call a ned, what a Liverpudlian would call a scallie - and what our friends across the pond might consider trailer trash (although trailer trash has a much broader semantic field): an ignorant yoof with a bad attitude, poor grammar and a penchant for Burberry, white trainers and flashy gold jewellery (bling bling!)

Chav ladies are also renowned for sporting a Croydon Facelift - where the hair is pulled back so tightly into a ponytail or bun that it tightens the facial skin - a look made famous by BB's chav-tastic Michelle:

For an excellent article on the phenomenon of chav click here, and for the original chavscum site click here (warning: not for the faint-hearted).

the things that come through my letterbox ...

2004-10-22T13:36:00.000+01:00

... often amuse me. I'm not sure if it's because I live in Hackney, or in London, that I get such bizarre things, but I don't remember ever getting anything quite like last night's little treat when I lived in sleepy Dorset. Anyway.

The item to which I refer is an advertisement for the services of Professor Touray, "a well Gifted African Marabout Naturally Born with an Experience Family of Marabouts with his Magical and Spiritual Power and Natural Medicine ordered from Africa fully ready to make a stop to your problems in life. Problems like Good Luck, Bad Luck ... Love ... Business Progress, Good Employment, Promotion at your work place ... Witchcraft, Popularity ... If you are a victim of the above, Please don't waste time and allow your problems to overcome you. Just bring your whatever problem before me and let me destroy it, before you suffered in silence."

I have been considering setting up some kind of take-away menu proof reading / editing service for a while now ... maybe I should extend my services to African spiritual professors ...

we love the gherkin

2004-10-20T11:01:00.000+01:00

Quite by chance, saw the RIBA Stirling Prize awards on Saturday night. And the Gherkin (or "30 St Mary Axe" as it is officially known - and by the way is that not a very strange name for a street?) won! I am excited by this because it is about the only cool thing I can see from my dumpy 4th floor council flat in East London. Oh, and here's a pic to prove it (it looks rather like a ghostly spaceship, n'est-ce pas?):

things to buy me

2004-10-20T10:35:00.000+01:00

I was thinking the other day that it'd be good if there were wishlists out there that covered many stores. Whilst I'm a big fan of books, music and film, there's also a heck of a lot of stuff that I like that's not stocked by Amazon. Then it dawned on me: the humble blog is the perfect place to make a list of stuff from all over that you'd like for your birthday / Christmas / etc. So, here's my blog of things to buy me should you so wish!